Elizabeth Warren Performs “Indian Rain Dance” To Quell Dispute

Cambridge, MA—Massachusetts Democratic Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren donned a pink headdress and performed, what she called, an “authentic Indian rain dance” during a press conference today.  Ms Warren was hoping to convince skeptics of her claims of Native American heritage. She also hinted that her preference for bison meat to beef indicates her heritage.

“My pepaw taught me this Elizabeth Warren Demonstrates Her dance when I was a little girl,” Warren said during a short session with reporters at a high school gymnasium in Cambridge, MA. “It was during that huge draught back in the late fifties in Oklahoma.”

“And I was eating bison burgers when most white men considered it poison,” she said. “I actually prefer bison to beef, in fact.”

Last week, the Boston Herald reported that Warren once listed herself as Native American on Harvard’s faculty information form.  Later, the woman who hopes to unseat Republican Senator Scott Brown, stopped claiming minority status.

Since the story broke, each of Warren’s attempts to explain her 1990s claims of minority status have raised more questions than they answered

“I’d be offended, but I think she’s embarrassing herself far more than she’s embarrassing native peoples,” said Ben Silverhawk, president of Native People’s Defense Fund.  “After this, no one will try to exploit Natives for political or professional gain, I’m pretty sure.”

Warren hopes to end the controversy later this week when she holding a free screening of Dances With Wolves at AMC Loews Harvard Square Theatre.  Show times and ticket availability have not been announced.

Coincidentally, the National Weather Service calls for a chance of showers today but clearing skies tomorrow with highs in the upper 50s.

#satire