Ghosts Organize in Alton, Illinois

Alton, Illinois — Spirits of the dead in the river city of Alton, Illinois, voted last night to organize as a union affiliated with the Service Employees International Union (SEIU). Everett Johnson, a lawyer representing the ghosts, says he will begin negotiations with the town’s haunted house tour guides, spirit shops, and even owners of […]

Elizabeth Warren Performs “Indian Rain Dance” To Quell Dispute

Cambridge, MA—Massachusetts Democratic Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren donned a pink headdress and performed, what she called, an “authentic Indian rain dance” during a press conference today.  Ms Warren was hoping to convince skeptics of her claims of Native American heritage. She also hinted that her preference for bison meat to beef indicates her heritage. “My […]

U.S. Holds Auditions for New Terrorist Mastermind

Washington, DC–Reeling from the backlash over a campaign ad that paints President Barack Obama as Osama bin Laden’s sole assassin, the White House today announced open auditions for a new global terrorist mastermind. White House spokesman Jay Carney told reporters “the world needs a dangerous, evil character to worry about . . . and, frankly, […]

White House Unveils Unemployment Strategy

WASHINGTON, DC:  The White House unveiled a new strategy to lower the nation’s unemployment rate, currently standing at 10 percent.  In his weekly radio address Saturday, the President announced that he will use remaining funds from the failed Stimulus bill to take advantage of little known variable in the unemployment rate factor:  “discouraged workers.” Pointing […]

Obama Accepts Reid’s Apology

WASHINGTON, DC — Saying, “The Senate relies on dingy-skinned white men, especially ones without a cracker dialect,” President Barack Obama accepted Senator Harry Reid’s (D-NV) apology for words Reid used in private in 2008.  According to the forthcoming book, “Game Changing,” Reid described Obama a “light-skinned” black man “with no Negro dialect . . . […]

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