Give Berkeley to Taliban

Reading Time: 2 minutes

We all know the trouble when a people, however recently formed, lose their homeland. Even if given privileged guest status in another country, they tend to make trouble for everyone around.  (Think Palestinians.)

The Taliban continue to wage war against freedom in Afghanistan.  Likewise, the vile people of Berkeley, California, wish to be free of the burdens of freedom.  I have the solution:

Cede Berkeley, California, to the Taliban.

Radical Islamists would love the location and the accomodating people.  Berkeley women would enjoy the new fashion mandates.  The Marines would close their despised recruiting station and, instead, set up a perimeter to keep the Taliban–and all other Berkeleyites–from leaving the area.

And talk about tree-hugging!  The city that banned barbecues ages ago would return to the time of Christ.  No more BMWs and Toyota hybrids.  Greenhouse gasses would come only from Berkeleyites’ measurable hind ends and those of their sheep and goats.  Chicken would range free, as most of the people wouldn’t afford cages.

Best of all, with the Taliban hierarchy in California, monitoring their activity would be much easier.  The NSA could track its every move, along with the activities of Berkeley’s resident seditionists.

To get the ball rolling, please sign this petition, and e-mail these anti-American left-wing idiots until their inboxes explode:

Contact info:

Mayor – Tom Bates
2180 Milvia Street, Berkeley, CA 94704
TEL: (510) 981-7100
FAX: (510) 981-7199
TDD: (510) 981-6903
Office Hours: Mon-Fri 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Linda Maio
Phone: (510) 981-7110
FAX: (510) 981-7111

Darryl Moore
Phone: (510) 981-7120

Maxwell Anderson
Phone: (510) 981-7130

Dona Spring
Phone: (510) 981-7140

Laurie Capitelli
Phone: (510) 981-7150

Betty Olds
Phone: (510) 981-7160

Kriss Worthington
Phone: (510) 981-7170

Gordon Wozniak
Phone: (510) 981-7180

City Auditor
Ann Marie
TEL: (510) 981-6750, TDD: (510) 981-6903
Office Hours: Mon-Fri, 8am-5pm

If all else fails, perhaps the Marines should retreat and call in an air strike on the city.  I could pull that trigger myself and never lose a moment’s sleep.

Comments are closed.